Mike Wilhelm - My Webbed Feat

Report From The Field

2009-05-01T10:04:00.004-04:00

My Rugged Feat

2009-05-01T09:40:00.004-04:00

Let's hope my feet, not to mention my back, hold out on my little hike as well as my solid little blog has held out through the years... (no, I don't know what that's really even supposed to mean...)

In an effort to tide things over until I return, all 3 posts on this page should be new. Gee, I hope nobody comes down with a bad case of indegression... (heeheehee) *Notice there is another super-interactive survey available!!!

Feel free to leave comments because I'll have somebody publish them for me while I'm gone, and I plan to post at least once during my hike. Don't forget, Mother's Day is May 10th!
~

I, Digress (again)

2009-05-01T09:25:00.005-04:00

~
A bunch of us were playing a little spontaneous game of 'name-the-movie-this-line-is-from' one night...you know, like somebody says 'I coulda been a contender' and then everybody tries to guess the movie 'On The Waterfront'.

Well, in an attempt to be funny I decided I'd give a ridiculously simple clue that everybody would be able to guess, so I said, "I've got one that nooooobody will be able to guess!" "Alright, let's hear it..." Then, doing my best/worst/only Charlton Heston impression, I say, "Take your stinking paws off me, you d*mn dirty ape!" A friend of mine, to keep the sarcasm going, says, "Oh I know! That's an easy one - it's from 'Casablanca.'" "Yep," I said, "you guessed it." And this other guy, acting disgusted at how stupid we both are, says, "No it's not! It's from Planet Of The Apes, you morons!" And my friend says, "No, it's from Casablanca, right after that other line 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a d*mn.'"

So we're all laughing over this for a minute, thinking everybody knew we were kidding about the movie, and all those lines coming from Casablanca, and then the game went on for a little while longer. Anyway, hours later, after the game had long since ended and nobody's really even talking much about anything anymore, this guy pipes up out of nowhere, "Well I'll tell you what - they might have used that line in Casablanca, but it was in Planet Of The Apes first!"

Hilarious!

On that note...It might surprise you to know that the man who wrote the book The Planet Of The Apes (yes, it was a book, written by Pierre Boulle) is the same man who authored The Bridge On The River Kwai. Being a ~~somewhat-well-cultured~~ man, I've seen both movies - well, I watched most of 'The Bridge', anyway... (Oddly enough, I saw no apes in The Bridge On The River Kwai!?!) And being an avid reader, I have of course read the book. The Planet Of The Apes, that is. It may sound funny, but the book really is well worth reading! The beginning and end of the book are not in the movie, and those two parts are what actually make the story. I won't spoil it for you, but trust me, the book is a very well-written piece of material!

And on that note...in a disapproving nod to pop-culture, I find it interesting that while most people know of the movie Casablanca and may be able to quote some lines from the film, or name the actors, etc., those very same people can't name which country the real-life Casablanca is located in! (Morocco)

You've come this far, why not continue? This is a secrect Interactive Post (#003), so not only did you get to use a scrollbar while viewing (wow!), you also get to laugh along with the fun selection of items in the widget below. (there must be a catch!) And wait! There's more! You also have a chance to take the comical, follow-up Interactive Survey! For free! (unless you count the time you'll be ~~wasting~~ spending in participation)

Click here to take the survey!~

Post From The Past

2009-05-01T09:19:00.005-04:00

I've posted this video before, but thought I'd repost it while I'm gone for anybody who maybe hasn't seen it before. I've heard this is the original version, but who really knows...

Take A Hike!

2009-04-27T11:24:00.006-04:00

Okay...don't mind if I do! Next week I'm going to take an opportunity I have to hike along the Katy Trail - yippee! Not only will this give me a chance to spend several refreshing weeks outdoors, it will also give me an idea of how prepared/unprepared I am for my planned hike of the Appalachian Trail. Of course, there is a sizable difference between the two trails - the Katy Trail runs approximately 225 miles across the state of Missouri (USA), while the Appalachian Trail stretches a good 2100+ miles from Maine through Georgia...I'm looking forward to both! (I'll have more to say about my hike along the Appalachian Trail as that time draws near)

I will have somebody moderate comments for me while I'm away and I will even have a "report from the field" posted while I'm gone. Amazing, huh? Who knows, by the time I get back I might even have something worthwhile to talk about for a change! (not likely)

Gracias to the following kind people who took the Spanish quiz last week:

kathcom | Marsha | Libby | mon ami Rob-ours | Aunty Helpful Dictator | the sweet, lovely and talented woman who blogs | Julie

I was surprised that only 7 people "participated," but this makes giving shout-outs easier since most of those who did are people I already link to anyway. I know a couple readers thought it was a real quiz on their knowledge of the Spanish language, but had they just went ahead with it anyway they might have gotten a laugh or two. Maybe alot more were thinking the same thing? I had asked one final question about rating My Webbed Feat and had a few more surprises. Some quiz-takers had very low opinions of the content of my posts (hmmf! - well, I never!); everybody seemed to like the widget I keep in the sidebar (although nobody seems to be listening to the music in it very often); the fancy and interactive scrollboxes I like to use do occasionally make it difficult to read text along the edges (I had kinda been noticing this myself); and perhaps I should have called the 'quiz' a 'questionnaire' (jazz up this blog with a little class). I really get a kick out of putting these surveys/quizzes/questionnaires together, so I'm glad I found Survey Monkey!

Hopefully I have endeared myself enough to everyone to get away with a few weeks of hiking without losing any readers - nay, not readers, but friends rather.....
~

Yo Querro Answers!

2009-04-24T14:19:00.003-04:00

Si Habla Espanol?
Some of my recent online conversational topics have had quite an international feel to them lately, so I was reminded of a little 'Spanish quiz' I once sent to everybody I knew via email. Most of us got a little chuckle out of it so I thought I'd post it today. (If you're thinking I just don't have anything to write about, you'd be correct!) (If you want to take the silly little quiz click here!)

On that 'international' note.....In case anyone besides me ever wondered, a citizen of the Phillipines is only referred to as a Filipino (as opposed to Phillipino) simply because it just looks better with the F istead of the Ph. This I know thanks to my favorite Filipino friend, Lizza!

P.S. I'm counting this post as an 'interactive post' (#002) because I not only offered a quiz, but also included the use of scrollbars! Please take the stupid quiz so I can report some amazing stats on the 'interactivity' of my blog! heehee

Have a good weekend everybody!~

I, Digress

2009-04-22T11:10:00.015-04:00

In honor of World Earth Day (which I only became aware of thanks to this blog) I'd thought about doing my part by "recycling" one of my old posts, but since I'll be doing that often enough anyway I've decided instead to put a rush on the most recent post I've been working on. Coincidentally, the last panel of cartoon content is unusually timely...

I've always thought 'I, Digress' - as a word-play on 'I, Claudius' - would be a nice title for a book containing a collection of my short stories. As is my wont, instead of actually putting the collection together (or even finishing my stories!) my mind began thinking about ancient Rome. (Yes, I'm so easily distracted that the simple phrase 'I, Claudius' led my mind down an alternate road of thought heehee) Anyway, somehow I eventually digressed even more and started to wonder what an ancient-Roman Jerry Seinfeld standup comedy act might be like. Now, I'm not enough of an artist to actually illustrate this concept, say in a cartoon or something, and I am in a rush to get this posted today, so you'll just have to use your imagination (if your computer will let you) for this first bit.....

(the scene: Roman amphitheatre filled with audience watching the famed comedian performing...)

Jerromus Seinfeldius: Did you ever wonder why they call it the Parthenon?
(murmurs throughout crowd)
Jerromus Seinfeldius: I mean, I've never seen it ON anything, have you?
("hey, he's right about that...")
Jerromus Seinfeldius: Maybe they should call it the ParthenOFF instead.....

J.S.: Did you ever notice that Cassius and Brutus are always standing just a LITTLE too close to Julius Caesar???("that's true - they're always right up in his personal space for some odd reason...")
J.S.: I mean, come on, Julius HAS to notice this, he's gotta be like "Hey, Cassius, and you, Brutus, you two are KILLING me - give me some breathing room already!"

J.S.: And what's the DEAL with Caligula? I mean, come on - making his horse the emporer!?!
(more murmurs and chuckles)
J.S.: We all know that a horse is never going to bring about any real change in government anyway. You already know exactly how he's going to vote every single time when it comes time for the 'yeas and nays...'
("it's funny 'cause it's true!")
~

And since I had already taken it that far, I got to thinking about what a prehistoric dinosaur version of Jerry Seinfeld would be like...(scroll as necessary)

Today In History (briefly)

2009-04-21T12:24:00.004-04:00

Nurse, I need that report filed - stat!

2009-04-20T11:37:00.008-04:00

My interactive post (#001) wasn't quite the smashing success I'd thought it would be. Statistically, that is. Less than 1/4 of the people who visited my blog this weekend actually took the follow-up survey. I guess anybody who hasn't read my blog in the past might not have been aware that I probably wasn't really trying to conduct any type of serious, legitimate survey - the entire thing was just a silly joke. I wondered also if maybe people were afraid to 'interact' with my post by listening to the songs in the widget - afraid clicking on anything might mean they would be buying something. (which they wouldn't) By the way, the majority of those surveyed said the use of said widget was a 'hip' and 'trendy' form of laziness. (which is true) Nevertheless, I had fun putting it all together and am satisfied with the little test run. Hopefully somebody got a chuckle out of it as well...

Having said all that, the winning versions (by majority vote) were:

I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton (unanimous)
On Broadway - Neil Young
Lay, Lady Lay - Melanie
Hurdy Gurdy Man - Donovan (unanimous)
Scarborough Fair - Queensryche
These Boots Are Made For Walking - Nancy Sinatra (unanimous)

The majority of survey-takers were not excited about their participation, although everyone who started the survey finished it (thank you). And, finally, all but one participant voted this blog 'the absolute best!' (hmm...makes me wonder who was being honest and who wasn't...)

And no, I didn't doctor these results.....

INTERACTIVE POST #001

2009-04-16T16:49:00.014-04:00

'Interactive' as in 'I'll post this on the INTERnet and then you can ACT like you really gIVE a d*mn!'

Let's give this shiny, new idea a test run! Have a quick listen to the different versions of the songs in the widget to the left...next, follow the link below to take the survey...then, wait for the exciting results to be posted! In the meantime, feel free to leave me an interactive comment...

~ This is an interactive post! ~You can participate by taking Interactive Survey #001.

Back With A Splat

2009-04-14T08:19:00.011-04:00

I'm Back (PART II)
~~Wow. I really don't have much to say right now, so I think I'll just do us all a favor and not post anything today!~~ Wow. After such a lengthy absence from posting I feel like my blog is the bug on your windshield (or should I say monitor) that you ran into on the way to some other, better blogs. Splat! I've still got some fine-tuning to do (layout, link updates, ~~worthy content~~), but I was pleasantly surprised to see 57 visits in the last 3 days and also some wonderful comments from marsha, Terra Shield, Lizza and C J.

Although I've got alot of new ideas in mind, I've decided that for the most part I'm going to stick with my same old style/content. Looking back, I had more fun with more people just being my goofy self than I ever did trying to keep my blog seeming 'up-to-date' or whatever. One of the things I'm for sure going to continue doing is hiding little jokes & comments in pop-ups - as silly as it is, it's one of my favorite parts of blogging and I still can't believe how few people ever notice how often I do this. Some of my newer ideas will include interactive posts, surveys, music playlists, mystery posts and much, much more! (possibly even another greatest internet meme of all time!)

Okay, I'll stop bugging you now.....

Back With A Splash

2009-04-12T12:02:00.001-04:00

I'm Back (PART I)

Q: What happens to the shallow end of a swimming pool when you add more water to it?
A: It depends.

Wow. Quite alot has happened during the 2 years, 8 months since my last post..... I wonder - will anybody still be willing to read my nonsensical drivel? Will I still be as witty, insightful, and creative as ever? And where shall I begin?

Hmm...for starters, I guess I can test the waters by discussing at least one of the major occurences during my absence. Let's start with something light-hearted and non-controversial such as Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps. Although young and still wet behind the ears, Mr. Phelps made quite a splash at the Olympics. The swimmer has a bubbly personality and is quite easy-going; when asked to comment about his calm demeanor and non-confrontational personality he replied that he "doesn't like to make waves." Unbeknownst to many, he once tried to get into the professional boxing circuit, but threw in the towel after charges of corruption surfaced - seems he was allegedly looking for someone who was willing to pay him to take a dive in the ring. The incident left him with a sinking feeling and he later pooled his resources to begin his Olympic training.

And people say I have a dry sense of humor....

Whew! This comeback post has really left me feeling drained so I'll finish here. Oh, and I know this may sound shallow, but I do want to take credit for that opening joke up there. It depends. Get it?

* I realize this post isn't going to cause any ripples in the blog-world, but please don't think I'm all washed up - I just don't want to start off setting the bar too high.....

Back In A Flash

2006-08-25T05:52:00.000-04:00

You've Seen The Bestest, Now See The Restest

2006-08-24T02:31:00.000-04:00

Well LA-DI-DA!!! Bestest, Shmestest!!!
I've been ~~wasting~~ spending ~~all of my time~~ some of my time ~~boring everyone~~ talking about ~~how great~~ my ~~sensational internet~~ meme ~~is and discussing the far-reaching effects it's having on mankind,~~ so I thought I'd ~~give everyone a break and~~ mention that Lizza ~~probably has a crush on me~~ earned and now officially holds a Bestest Blog Of The Day title! That doesn't make her better than me, though. Or better than my film 'An Space Ode'. (now with over 1,000 views!) If you haven't visited her site, I Am Woman, See Me Blog!, you really need to go check it out. She's far ~~less interested in me than I'm leading you to believe~~ more interesting than anything you'll see here, so go have a look! She, as well as many others, has been good about linking her readers to my now-classic meme, which probably contributed to her current status as Beste- ACK, who am I kidding?

Seriously, congratulations to Lizza on a job well done! ~~(or should I have said "a blog well done?")~~ *note to self: work on punchlines a little more

~~Now, back to me.~~ I ~~fixed and rigged~~ posted a caption contest yesterday because I'm ~~a big baby and a cheat~~ sick and tired of never winning the ones over at Pointless Waste Of Time perfect name for it, too . Actually, I did win one once, this one, but for some reason my caption wasn't posted on the "front page" winner's section for the day - the second place caption was there instead! ~~I know that was intentional, so I'm "accidentally" forgetting to add links to that site every time I mention it heeheehee.~~ So, in reality, all I really wanted was to see my caption right up front (er, underneath) with the photo... Sure enough, (big surprise!), I actually even lost my own caption contest! But I came in a very, very close second, so I can live with that. ~~okay, technically third, since two people tied for first~~ ~~so, yeah, technically last, since there were only three entries, counting mine...~~ ~~C of S!!!~~ ~~Lizza!!!~~ ~~Oh well, it was my caption people saw first anyway muahaahaaahaaaa.....~~

I shouldn't be giving the guys at Pointless Waste Of Time a hard time, though...there is at least one person over there who isn't a complete dolt! ~~hmm, nope, nothing to strikethru in the previous sentence~~ In a forum discussion over one particular caption contest, ~~pfft! get a life~~ somebody's winning caption was being discussed as possibly the funniest EVER ~~good grief~~ and maybe even the best in memory ~~guess they missed all of my entries~~, but one lone genius saw through all the smoke and mirrors and mentioned that my 2nd-place entry "wasn't too bad either." ~~emphasis mine~~ ~~lol~~ ~~no, seriously lol~~ lol You can ~~probably think of a million better things to do~~ see the riveting discussion here.

~~Alright,~~ Okay, enough of my little tantrum, I presume..... Hey, I was just thinking~~, I presume~~ - wouldn't it be hilarious if I added the little sound effects for punctuation in my sentences like that one guy on TV used to do? Oops, or should I have said "like that one guy on TV used to do{boi-oi-oing}" Hmm, I'll have to work on starting to do that (as long as it isn't too distracting...) ~~Hmm{kehr} I{chik}ll have to work on starting to do that {phwift}as long as it isn{chik}t too distracting{tclotd}{tclotd}{tclotd}{phwift}~~

~~Yep,~~ Well, now that I've ~~failed miserably at my attempt to create an internet meme, namely 'An Space Ode'~~ developed a taste for (not to mention a flair for) creating things on the cutting edge, I've decided to push the envelope and employ modern technology to do my first "vid-e-o blog" or "vlog" on this here "com-pu-ter" ~~- this'll put me in the running for Bestest Blog and I'll show Lizza what's what.~~ I may post a few trivial, token posts ~~yeah, like anyone will notice the difference~~ over the next few days while I'm completing this new, cutting-edge "shock blog" project that might become the next big internet sensation! ~~Competing directly against Lizza should really impress her, and the more I try to impress her, the more she'll like me I bet~~

The suspense will be killing you and I both, but don't worry - I'll be back! ~~Back with a vengeance...you'll see! Literally - you will see! In my video blog! har,har,har~~

~~Oh yeah, I've forgotten to mention this for like a week now~~ In the meantime, I've just discovered this site. If you've ever noticed those 1-second flashes of a text-filled card at the end of some of Chuck Lorre's television productions (like Two And A Half Men) and wondered what he was saying, you can read them at your own pace here.....

See you soon..... ~~Literally!~~ Yes, they got that "see you" thing relating to the "vlog" thing the first time ~~I've got to start working on the jokes a little more, it's all about timing, or something like that.....~~

My Own Private Caption Contest

2006-08-23T06:04:00.000-04:00

Where in the world is this car, man, San Diego?

CSI: Blog

2006-08-23T06:03:00.000-04:00

chung chung!

Ode To Self

2006-08-21T03:31:00.000-04:00

Yep, that's my film ranked in the YouTube Top Favorites...circled in yellow...right there...next to Jiggling Jana. (click to enlarge if you must) Talk about stiff competition! Poor little Dave was looking like a deer caught in the headlights, wasn't he? Needless to say, I felt like a real boob when I saw the kind of videos I was up against! Quite a pair, me and ol' Jiggling Jana, that is - we both briefly bounced up and down all around the Top 100 that day. She was making my little film look like a real bust! I'm telling you, it was all I could do to stay abreast of her! I'm sorry for ranting on and on about this - I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. (Yep, I'm milking this little routine for everything it's worth, so to speak.....) In case you're wondering, I did watch the jiggling video (you know, just to see what I was up against...), and I feel I most definitely deserved to come out on top of her. Oh, and yes, I think they were real. lol

Anyway, let's scroll on down and take at a look at the results of my epic, sweeping internet meme...come on, have a look-see with me!

The effect on YouTube, thusly: (clickably enlargable)
Debuting last Sunday, my now-famous internet meme has within it's first week received 786 views, 11 comments, a 4 1/2 star rating, Honors in the Comedy category for #78 Most Discussed for a day, and #66 Top Favorite for a day.

The effect on the stats of My Webbed Feat, specifically, thusly:(clickably enlargable)
Debuting last Sunday, my now-famous internet meme has generated, or helped contribute to, an average of 74 visits per day this week to my blog - with a high of 101 hits and a low of 37.

So, have I learned anything from my shallow dabble into the glitzy world of internet-meme-production? This, I presume, and only this: I'm not quite sure I really know what a meme is anymore...not quite sure at all.....

(See An Space Ode here)

Safari

2006-08-19T02:16:00.000-04:00

The Breeders - Safari

More Art

2006-08-19T00:48:00.000-04:00

Continuing yesterday's artsy theme: These first thumbnails are some samples of Liquid Sculpture by Martin Waugh. Since I'm not related to this particular artist I did obtain permission to post these..... You can see more of his work here.

BigWetOneRed

Bell

OldGloryBowl

WhiteVaseOnBlue

www.liquidsculpture.com

In case you haven't seen any of these before, here are some examples of what graphic artists do when they're bored..... (the pandas are my favorite) (no offense to Bear Slayer - it's just that I was a big KISS fan growing up...)

And finally, I'm not much of a graphic design artiste, but I do get bored alot - this is the kind of grand-scale, epic, internet-meme-thingy that I do when I'm bored.....

Ba-ba-ba Ba-Barbara Garvin

2006-08-17T07:44:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd try to class up this joint a little by showing some real, live Art (to make up for what my not-looking-so-healthy meme has done). These thumbnails represent just a few of the paintings done by Barbara Garvin. I'm not really much of an artsy person, but since Mrs. Garvin is my aunt I figure I'll run with this theme for a post or two.....

To be honest, I've never actually met this particular aunt of mine. But, when I was a teenager, my brother and I went to The Country Store in Austin, Texas to look at some of her paintings and when we mentioned that we were Barbara's nephews the owner of the art gallery took us into a locked, private vault to let us view her more expensive paintings in private. Pretty cool, huh? He told us he'd give us a discount on any of her works that we liked - we asked about one of the smaller ones and he said he'd let us have it for like five thousand dollars...so I guess she's definitely somebody in the art world!

Now You're It

2006-08-17T03:02:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged by Lizza! I've read through the questions once, so now I'm just going to answer them right off the top of my bald little head without too much thought (or else I'll end up turning this into a major project, as is my wont...).

1a) If you could have dinner with any three people (except Mohammed, Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi) then who would they be? (don't say Mother Teresa either)

I'm assuming we're supposed to choose from celebrity-types, so I'll pick:

A. Jane Fonda

B. Shirley MacLaine

C. Lorraine Bracco

*Simply because I've always found these women extremely attractive

1b) What would you eat? either steak or mexican food

1c) What restaurant would it be? no restaurant, I'd do the cooking

2) If you could force everyone in the world to read one book (except for the Quran or the Bible) what would it be?

Hmm, can't say the Bible, huh? Well, the only other book I've read almost as many times as the Bible is Crime And Punishment by Dostoevski, but I don't think I'd force anyone to read that (it's definitely not light reading).....

.....it's too hard to pick just one, but it would probably have to be something by Rudyard Kipling, O. Henry, Jack London or maybe even Robert Bloch.

3) Is there a TV show you'd cancel dinner with your best friend for, if you knew that a new episode was going to be aired once only? What is it?

Maybe The Office?

4) If someone told you that you could only have one hobby/favorite pasttime for the rest of your life, what would you pick?

Playing guitar.

5) Which song is on the soundtrack of your life?

Well, how about Plainsong by The Cure...

6) How old were you when you had your first crush? Who was it?

Let's see, probably 5 or 6 I guess - Launa, my neighbor and very first girlfriend; Sue Ann, a classmate; Mrs. Salazar, a teacher; Jeri, my babysitter

7) If you could read the thoughts of any one person, who would it be?

I doubt if anybody else's thoughts are as interesting as mine, but I'll pick Bill Gates.

8) If you could block your thoughts from only one person, who would it be?

Myself.

9) If you could choose between life on earth forever or going to heaven, which would you choose?

heaven, of course.

10) When you die, what will your contribution to the world be?

oh, besides about 133 pounds of fodder.....

.....the world's greatest internet meme of all time, An Space Ode!!!!!

An Space Ode

2006-08-14T19:35:00.000-04:00

Help spread the next-big-internet-meme! (i.e. this film)

Link to this post OR directly to the video on YouTube by getting your linking and embedding code here. Smaller, downloadable sizes are also available from me if you want to send copies to everyone you know.

Ich Bin Ein Blogger, Part II

2006-08-13T22:40:00.000-04:00

"What," you may ask, "do the titles of these last two posts mean?" Nothing. Seriously, nothing. "Why," you may ask, "are you posting a graph of your blog stats today?" Hmm, interesting question, I presume. In response: I have a funny feeling that the charts and graphs that my statcounter uses will no longer be able to contain the number of recorded visits my blog recieves after tomorrow's post. This blog peaked out last week at 106 hits, bottomed out at 28, and averaged out to 71 hits per day. As of tomorrow, the numbers will be infinite, hencely off-the-charts, and theretofore unrecordable, so I'm posting the numbers while it's still possible to do so. Thusly:

I look forward to seeing the effects of tomorrow's post on the internets and Worldly Widened Web, as I'm sure you do as well. Thank you to all my loyal readers and fellow bloggerists - until next time, I bid you adieux.....

Ich Bin Ein Blogger, Part I

2006-08-09T14:14:00.000-04:00

The pwot team recently got an amazing 20,000+ hits in one night on this article discussing the 7 Reasons The 21st Century Is Making Us Miserable. (*note - article contains some colorful language)

If you enjoy that article, you'll really like one of my personal favorites: Inside The Monkeyshere

Also, Bear Slayer is still welcoming brothers-and-sisters-in-arms! Be part of the solution.....

Stop by and say hello to a new blogger here.

Sneak Peek: Many, many, many people are anxiously awaiting the debut of my soon-to-be-unleashed next-big-internet-meme so here's a little preview.....

"What on Earth is this?" you may ask yourself...Here's a hint: it isn't! (on Earth, that is.....)

And, finally, what would one of my posts be without an official home-made joke: (ahem,ahem) Boy, I sure bet there are alot of people in the world who're glad the name of Premarin isn't Premarit!!!!! har,har,har

2 inFURiating 2 BEAR

2006-08-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

leftovers - human remains after bear has feeding frenzy

AMERICA: The HIBER-NATION
Do pictures like this upset you? Well, they should. We, as a nation, should be FURious over things like this happening to our fellow man. It's time for all of us to come out of hibernation and join the GRRReat men like Bear Slayer in putting a stop to the Number One (#1) Threat Facing America - killer bears.

Sure, there are those nay-sayers (or rather - nay-slayers) who oppose this movement, but mankind must begin to take this matter more seriously or face grrrave consequenses. Visit Bear Slayer's site for yourself and help support this movement.

Still not taking taking this seriously? Still think this is all just a big lie? A joke, even? Consider the following ancient manuscripts that were recently uncovered in a North American cave:

But wait, there's more:

Is it mere coincidence that these ancient formulas were discovered inside a cave - common ground for the man-eating-killing bear? Notice the complete absence of the term ursine in today's mathematical formulae - why has the terminology been changed? Is it to lull mankind into a sense of complacence? Note the frequent use of the bear-friendly spelling of terms such as TriGRRnometric, deFURnition and trianGRRR. Isn't it odd that the formula for urs (ursine) is OPPOSITE SIDE over MANKIND; i.e. our OPPOSING SIDE (bears) reigning OVER MANKIND (us)? So it seems that even though a spelling bee may be smarter than a talking dog, a mathematically-inclined-scientifically-minded-man-eating-killing bear trumps them both.....

Do you not realize that this is proof that bear's were once our master? Do you not now see the dire need to eliminate this furmidable foe? How much longer can mankind bear this threat? This will be no pic-a-nic, but we must stop the bears before it's too late. We did it to the Dodo Birds, we can do it to The Bears.....

Major Buzzkill

2006-08-05T11:08:00.000-04:00

".....khhhrrrrr.....that's one right hook for man.....khhrrr.....and one fat lip for another.....khhrrr....."

I am posting this video of Buzz Aldrin punching a guy mostly so I can tell you the whole story behind it:

This was filmed during the making of a documentary by the guy who got clocked by Mr. Aldrin. Apparently, this man had been trying to get Buzz Aldrin to place his hand on a Holy Bible and swear that he did indeed really walk on the moon; Mr. Aldrin absolutely refused to do so - for years and years. This, of course, led the younger man to believe that this was more proof that the entire moon landing was a lie. What was happening before the 20 seconds in the video is the man attempting his usual routine of trying to get Mr. Aldrin to say he'd walked on the moon while placing his hand on a Bible. That's why he was calling him a liar, etc. I'm not posting about the correctness of either man's behavior - I just always found it interesting that Mr. Aldrin so vehemently refused to do so..... After he gets hit, the young man just turns and walks away, asking the cameraman if he "got that on film." Out of this world, huh?

This is all written to the best of my recollection, so I apologize if it's not completely accurate & please don't form any of your own opinions based solely on this post.

The Great Template Debate

2006-08-04T08:57:00.000-04:00

Okay, I've decided I'm going to have to force myself to change the look of this blog. I personally liked the way my old red and maroon site looked, but it seems I'm the only one who didn't see that it was actually a pink color scheme. Well, just for the record the name of the old template was Thisaway Rose (NOT Pink lol). Like it as I may, it was slowly becoming a tool used against me by some of my nay-sayers and enemies (you know who you are - or rather, were). Not to worry, you'll still find the same old content here, at least until that becomes a target as well. tee hee

I will have to do a little tweaking, of course, and re-link all of my old sites, but let me know what you think of the brand new same old me! hahaahaaa

Old School Ode

2006-07-29T13:07:00.000-04:00

'Risky Business' OR 'tsk,tsk,risk'

2006-07-29T04:08:00.000-04:00

I have been busy enough lately that I haven't had much time to post, or even come up with anything up to my usual high comedic standards to post.....so for now I'll just post this:

Here is a link to a really fun 'Risk' type game - I was never much of a fan of that game, but I have to admit this little game really is fun, and quite challenging at times. The download from Tucows has no spyware or adware of any kind - I've never had any problems from this one.

Yep, I was realy busy being busy when I thought about this post.....

promo "oh no"

2006-07-20T05:20:00.000-04:00

Oh no, I can't believe I did this..... Among other things lately, I've been working on a promo clip to enter into 'The Office Promo Contest' - the entry deadline is tomorrow and I just now read the contest rules a little more carefully and discovered that I can't use my clip because it contains footage that I didn't personally shoot (groan). Wonderful.

I guess I can now put all of my energy into finishing my soon-to-be-unleashed-onto-the-unsuspecting-world internet meme.....I make the rules on this one!!! (And then I break all the rules!!! )

Super Sleuth

2006-07-18T18:02:00.000-04:00

I've been reading through a hilarious blog lately. This guy is solving all the mysteries of the universe using his "amazing" detective abilities. It really is funny if you keep in mind that he is trying to sound as ridiculous as he comes across. This page is for all mysteries, and this page is for that TV show "Lost."

Also, for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, this Flash Earth site is worth a look-see.

Meanwhile, I'm still working on what is going to be the next big internet meme! (This is a more difficult project than you might think.....)

A Past That Haunts Me (and you too, now)

2006-07-16T15:59:00.000-04:00

As everybody's probably guessed by now, I've run across a bunch of my old pictures, videos and audio files. In order to put off having to use my brain to come up with my usual creative & witty posts I'm reliving (i.e. rehashing) the good ol' days by sharing them with the world.....

This was my final project for the first Photoshop class I ever took. It's a design submission for the college yearbook (reverse not shown because I can't find the entire file). The school didn't officially pick my design as the winner to use the next year or give me credit for giving them any ideas, BUT they almost blatantly used the same format and color scheme on the reverse and the whole 'thought bubble' theme was used throughout the catalog..... I've always held this thought about people stealing my ideas/songs/stories/etc.: Go ahead and steal my stuff if you have to - I can always come up with something just as good again, over and over, but you can't. Of course, these aren't the best examples of something anybody would want to claim they 'borrowed.'

This was one of my Adobe Illustrator assignments. I hated that class and that software, but now of course I realize and can appreciate how amazing Illustrator is. Anyway, even though the darn thing looks pathetic and ridiculous I thought the general idea behind it was kinda cool - the image is made up entirely of flower parts I'd drawn. Hmm, now I can't remember why that was such a brilliant idea.

It's kinda funny looking back at stuff like this now and then. Kinda scary, too, because I haven't progressed much.....

"Blogger's Paradise" or "Blogger O'Riley"

2006-07-09T18:38:00.000-04:00

Here is one of my video projects from a 2003 Multimedia Essentials class. I had a really good idea, but bit off a little more than I could chew so it turned out kinda laughable. (You can easily tell where I've screwed things up) The general idea behind it all probably won't seem humorous to anyone else, as was intended, because the whole script was kind of a joke on all of us in the class. I used campus & classroom footage, public domain graphics and audio, Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" & The Who's "Baba O'Riley", AT&T Labs text-to-speech digital voicing, and put it all together with Ulead Visual Studio 7.0.....

When you're done laughing I'd love to hear some feedback on this...

Waiting On A Fiend

2006-07-09T18:13:00.000-04:00

Here is a little "movie" I made in 2001/2002. My little doggie isn't alive anymore, so I like alot of my old practice videos just for their sentimental value more than anything. I put this together using Ulead Cool 360, Ulead Visual Studio 4.0, Anvil Studio, Babarosa GIF Animator, and a 20-dollar digital pen-cam. Keep in mind this was done on a pc running Windows Me with 64MB RAM and I hadn't used a computer since I'd quit using my old Commodore VIC-20 back in 1984.....

Critter Cam

2006-07-09T16:53:00.000-04:00

Aren't these little guys cute? There was a momma raccoon and 5 little babies at one time, but one or two of the babies have disappeared... That scary-looking monster feeding them by hand is, of course, yours truly.

SECOND BEST

2006-07-07T13:10:00.000-04:00

Yep, I did it again, another best Yahoo! Answer - and this time I wasn't the only answererer.....

.....my life is so full and complete, wouldn't you agree?

The Ace Of Spades (continued)

2006-07-02T14:08:00.000-04:00

Once again I'm laying all my cards on the table...I'll have some more interesting posts up later in the week - just kinda busy right now...

ALL MY POST ARE BELONG TO THEM

2006-06-27T10:01:00.000-04:00

Another BLAHst From My Past

2006-06-26T14:20:00.000-04:00

Here's a much shorter old practice promo-clip I made about 5 years ago using Babarosa GIF Animator, Anvil Studio and Ulead Visual Studio 4.0:

In direct contrast, check out what you can do with the new Logitech Quickcam Orbit MP by clicking here. Awesome, huh?

I still like think I was onto something here.....

2006-06-26T13:09:00.000-04:00

I found a bunch of my old practice files so thought I'd share some over the next couple of weeks - just so everybody realizes I'm not as perfect as I seem.....I know this one is awful, but I still like it!

I obviously never quite finished this and there was a much bigger picture in mind (and grander idea) when I started my little practice promo clip, but I did the video part by photographing my hands (forming my home-made alphabet-symbols for the letters 'W','M','A','L' - which was supposed to represent my newfound design company, "Wilhelm Media/Arm's Length Productions" ? ) with a $19.99 digital pen-camera, edited those images with Jasc Paint Shop Pro, mixed them into an animated .gif using Babarosa GIF Animator. The audio .wav came from a midi I had written that I then slowed down and echoed using Cool Edit 96. The whole thing was then thrown together with Ulead Visual Studio 4.0. Pretty funny, huh? Oh, but just wait, they get even worse.....

sbrawkcad

2006-06-23T03:01:00.000-04:00

nO LaMeRs pLz

2006-06-21T21:32:00.000-04:00

John Cheese has a helpful tutorial for building and designing your new website.

(tell me this doesn't make you laugh out loud...)

is it possible that maybe i REALLY AM the greatest?

2006-06-19T05:20:00.000-04:00

As if yesterday's post wasn't bad enough.....check this out:

Blow harder!!! Don't let that thing land on us!!!

Yep, I finally got first place in a stupid caption contest...last time I checked anyway. I had posted so many different captions in order to help better my chances of winning (er, plus I'm just a funny guy so these things come easy for me) that I apparently made alot of people angry - so they started voting against me and even entering captions under my name filled with self-deprecating (altho still quite humorous) remarks...the so-called "official" winner has been alternating between 3 or 4 of us since then.
Here are some of my other entries:

Oh, excuse me, I seem to have a pebble in my shoe. / Now, why am I using your leg as a cue stick in this game of 9-ball we're playing on this giant felt pool table? / Well, they say the grass is always greener... / Oh yeah!?! Well then why don't you put your money where the foot in my mouth is, wise guy!!! / Would you like fries with that? / Agent RedShirt knew he might have to take a bullet for the now-disguised President someday, but this was ridiculous! / ...this was the strangest BALLroom dance they'd ever been to! / I hope I win the Craption contest someday!

My favorite NON-MINE entry was:

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

(feel free to vote for your favorite caption of MINE in MY comment section) har,har,har

The Ace Of Spades

2006-06-19T05:04:00.000-04:00

Granted, my life may seem rather shallow and empty, but I'm still just egotistical enough to want to post my new personal-all-time-best Yahoo! Spades rating before it plummets again:

Still clinging to the not too distant past.....

2006-06-17T12:52:00.000-04:00

Some of you may remember a few questions and answers I did with Steph The Geek a few weeks back (if not, go here) - she was kind enough to give me an unexpected blurb.....

.....and can you believe my site hits actually increased ten-fold the very day of that post? Anyway, she's got her new site up and running so everyone should go check it out. (go there)

duck, duck, goose, RUN!

2006-06-17T02:49:00.000-04:00

Here's a little story I had posted on the true story section of one of my old websites:

Oh, the day started off pleasantly enough...I had the day off from work and decided I'd spend my morning feeding the ducks and geese at a local fishing pond/park. I had such good intentions - I actually stood in line at a grocery store for half an hour just buying one single loaf of bread. Anyway, I get to the park, which wasn't too crowded for a change, and head to the edge of the pond. There were ducks all over the place on land across the pond and some swimming quite a distance out. As I'm approaching I notice of few of them taking notice of me and casually starting to head my way.

At the water's edge I'm fumbling around trying to get the little twisty-tie undone on the breadsack while keeping my eye on all of the birds. It wasn't more than 10 or 15 seconds before every single duck and goose on or near the pond was heading my way - it was kind of comical...at first...

By the time I had the first piece of bread in my bare hands the entire population of waterfowl was like only 30 or 40 feet away from me, swimming as fast as they could toward me. I kind of chuckled at what a big hurry they seemed to be in and wondered when they were going to slow down, ya know, so they could stop and be fed. Next thing I know they're all jumping out of the water and running (charging) straight at me and I'm thinking, 'wow, if they don't stop they're going to stampede me...it's almost like they're planning to attack me and taking this food...' I'm already walking backwards at this point, tearing up bread slices into smaller pieces and trying to calmly toss them all around.

Those crazy birds were attacking me. People say I'm exaggerating this, but I know for a fact I was standing there (for one brief second) looking eyeball-to-eyeball with these giant 5-feet tall lunging killer geese, right before panic took over. I don't recall actually screaming out loud, but I did turn around and run as fast as I could. Sure enough, they all followed me. I don't think too many people saw this happening (at least I hope not), but there I was running as fast as I possibly could back to my car, throwing slices of bread over my shoulder like a madman, with every single duck and goose at the park honking and flapping and running right at my heels. Every now and then I'd look back to see if they'd given up, but there they'd be looking right into my eyes and hissing out their little nostrils at me.

I finally made it back to the car (thank God I hadn't locked the door!) and jumped in. By the time I had the door shut the car was pretty much surrounded and there had to have been at least fifty geese crowded right at my window. Now here's the funny part - believe it or not, I actually made a point right then and there to lock all of the car doors! After making sure I was safe I cracked my window a little bit and threw out the last couple of slices of bread I still had left. After I finally caught my breath and regained my composure they let me drive away as if nothing unusual had happened...and feeling like an idiot I did unlock all my doors on the way out of the park.

TAINTED BLOG

2006-06-15T04:30:00.000-04:00

Tainted Love!?! No, more like tainted video...(tee hee)...I always liked this song, but I'm glad I never saw this video...I decided to post this because I've just spent two whole days trying to remember the name of this song...

Smoooooke On The Paaaaapers (Fire In The Sky)

2006-06-10T15:21:00.000-04:00

This post might be too long and detailed, but I was talking with my brother the other day about one of our hilarious childhood adventures (okay, maybe adventure is too strong a word) and thought I'd share the story..... (okay, maybe hilarious is also too strong a word)

My brother and I, along with some neighborhood friends, had decided one summer to collect and recycle old newspapers (instead of the usual - aluminum cans) to earn some money. We were keeping the papers behind our apartment building - stacked up between a wooden fence and a wooden storage shed (* foreshadowing *). We didn't know it when we started, but soon realized that it takes a LOT of newspaper to weigh enough to sell for enough money to split between several people. Anyway, at this point we had a pile of newspapers about 3 feet high, 3 feet wide and maybe 5 feet long stashed away behind our shed. Next to the wooden fence.

Around this same time in our innocent youth, we had all been having some kind of major fascination with fire: we started fires in the local sandbox, in the creeks where we played, on the playground after school, in our forts, etc. Not like the crazy arsonist kind of fires - we weren't trying to burn anything down, it was more like we were making miniature campfires everywhere and we always made sure to put them out and cover up the evidence (mostly because we knew our parents would kill us if they ever found out).

One of the more plentiful household items that were easy to come by for us kids back then were the little tin pans from pot pies.....we soon found they were quite useful for burning little fires in as well. You'd put some paper and sticks in the pan, then presto! within minutes you had yourself a little fire.....

Anyway, one night when me and my brother were taking out the garbage after supper I decided it would be a great time to just make a real quick little fire - just a small one, real quick, ya know. Heck, if we were gonna have to do chores, we might as well get some fun in at the same time, right? So, with our stepdad sitting inside the house at the kitchen table and our mother gone at work, we hid in the backyard right next to the shed and started our tiny little fire in a pot-pie pan. (Who knows, maybe I saw some of the tin pans in the trash we were throwing out and just couldn't resist.....) I remember, after we started getting some small flames going, looking over at the pile of newspapers and telling myself, "We need to make sure we don't accidentally let that catch on fire...".

We knew we only had a few minutes to watch the fire ignite and then burn itself out - our stepdad would know we were up to something if we were outside for too long (we used to always have races to the dumpster and back, so it normally didn't take us long to get back in the house), so we didn't want to give him any excuse to come outside looking for us. Wouldn't you know it - we're standing there staring at our little orange blaze like two kids who'd never seen fire before, when all of a sudden a gust of wind comes up from out of nowhere and blows the tin pan (along with, of course, the fire) right into the pile of newspapers.

I'll tell you what - I had noooooooo idea how flammable newspapers were until that very moment! It seemed like the whole pile just poof! went up in flames like magic. Seriously, in less than five seconds we couldn't even stand next to the fire it was getting so big and hot. Our first thought and only concern was "Oh no, we've got to get this put out before Cliff (our stepdad) sees it!" We ran over to the neighbor's sandbox and filled up every little plastic pail and toy that could hold sand. By the time we got back to the fire we were stunned - the flames were now like 10 feet high!?! Talk about having to do some quick thinking on our feet - wow. Looking back on this it's all quite comedic, but it sure was scary at the time..... We both kind of looked at each other and helplessly threw our little buckets-full of sand into the flames, which of course did nothing. We knew water was our only hope, but we knew if anybody heard the outside water spicket come on at this time of the night they'd come to see who was using the hose and what for.....

We had no choice, though, so we started running back and forth between the fire and the spicket with our tiny little pails half empty from all the sloshing around by the time we made it back to the fire each time. At one point, I had filled up my little bucket and turned around towards the fire and noticed that now the flames were at least a good twenty feet in the air - and keep in mind this is at night in a residential neighborhood. I stood there for a second, staring at these HUGE FLAMES towering at least 10 feet into the night sky high above the roof of the shed. When I made it back to the shed on that trip I quickly discovered why the fire was getting so much bigger - both the shed and the fence had caught on fire, too. (d'oh!)

Luckily, a friend of ours happened to be walking by on his way home and saw the flames behind our house so he came running over to help. He knew we'd all get in trouble over this if anybody else saw, but he stayed and helped us anyway. We made a 3 man chain from the spicket to the fire, doing all this as quietly as possible, and believe it or not we actually got the fire put out! Whew! We tried to kick away as many ashes as we could to hide any evidence of an actual fire until we could figure out some way to explain all this - our friend went home and we headed back into the house as if nothing unusual had happened. (I still don't know to this day if our stepdad ever knew what was going on the whole time or not - knowing him, I bet he did...and just wanted us to sweat it out for ourselves, but he never did rat us out for it).

The next day we went outside to see just how bad it looked - it couldn't be that bad, could it? Yikes! It just reeked of smoke outside - there were ashes all over the backyard - every single scrap of newspaper was gone - the back wall of the shed was completely black - the tiles on the roof of the shed were actually melted - the part of the fence that was burned was all shiny black and charred like the way logs look after they've been burned in one of those giant pit fires. We decided we'd just act like we never noticed it at all and maybe the adults would think someone else did it..... Naturally, a few hours later my family is having a talk with the landlord who'd come knocking see if we knew anything about "the fire". (?) The one in our backyard. (Wha!?!?!?!) Behind our shed. The one that looks like it started last night in our pile of newspapers that aren't there anymore because they've burned up. Ha! We actually tried to convince everyone that it must have been some neighborhood kids playing with matches or something - but IT WASN'T US!!! Turns out, the landlord told us the reason he was so concerned was because he had 3 gallons of gasoline for his lawnmowers stored inside the shed right next to the wall that was burning. Whoever started the fire, he informed us, got real lucky..... (whew!)

We never did confess, either. Ever. As for the friend that helped us - we talked to him later that day and (poor guy!) he told us that when he got home (he'd only gone to the grocery store on an errand for his mother) his parents were demanding to know why he smelled like smoke! I guess he smelled so badly that his parents knew he'd been around a fire somewhere and even he admitted his clothes still smelled like a fire the next day.....I'm sure his parents thought that he had started some kind of major inferno somewhere, but he refused to snitch on us, so guess what he ended up trying to tell his parents? This is funny - he said he "admitted" to his parents that he'd disobediently stopped by our house just to say hello and the reason he must smell like smoke is because my mother is a really heavy smoker. Ha, ha. He said he got smacked for that one.....

Steph The Geek, Mike The Dork

2006-05-31T18:01:00.000-04:00

Stephanie Pakrul, known for her Steph The Geek website, was kind enough to let me post this little interview with her.....

Can you tell me anything at all about yourself that nobody knows or
has learned about you through your website?
Ummm, let's see... I'm a geek. No, wait. I was a major jock when I was a kid.

Do people ever recognize you in person? Any good stories there?
Occasionally! I get more emails after the fact -- like "Hey, were you at the corner of...?" Not too many crazy stories, although I ran into one guy while I was smushed on a packed train after a miserable, long day, and I was just like "Oh god, not now..."

Does your "camgirl" status make you feel like a celebrity at all?
Not really. It's a nice balance. I get the occasional "omg you're StephTheGeek!" thing, but you've gotta remember that a very very small percentage of the population knows or cares who I am :)

Is there anything you've ever done on your webcam that you now
regret doing or just simply wish you hadn't have done?
I can honestly say no.

Is there anything at all that you haven't done on the webcam that
you would really like to do someday?
Give birth? :)

Do you ever find yourself feeling like you're on camera or being
watched even when you're not (i.e. grocery shopping, reading a book,
sitting in class, etc.)?

Hmm, interesting question. I don't think I've ever felt that, but it almost feels weird when I'm *not* on camera. Sometimes when I'm in a situation where I've been used to it, and then, say, the cams are moving around for whatever reason, it feels very strange... almost like being naked.

Do you think you'll ever be able to earn a living solely off of
your website?
It is my goal to earn a living doing the things that interest me, and my site is a big part of that. I can't imagine doing nothing but my site, but yes I do hope that it enables me to be even more independent and spend more time/resources on it.

Would you ever consider selling advertising space on your website? And if it's not too much information - just how much would somebody have to pay before you'd agree to do it (if you ever would...)?
I do revisit the idea every so often. I think for the effort it would take
and the small amount of return, it's just not worth it. I do throw out affiliate links every so often, but I try to keep it very unobtrusive. I don't think ads really fit with my philosophy for the site!

What is the one question that you've never been asked by anybody,
that has made you wonder why it's never been asked?
Sometimes people are strangely polite, especially people who have been around a while. It's like some kind of barrier gets crossed when they go from "cam watcher" to "friend", so then when I feel like doing a show, everyone's all quiet. Ok that's not really the question you asked, but it's one thing that makes me wonder :)

Is there any question at all about yourself that you would never
answer, or anything about yourself that you wouldn't reveal to anyone
(through your website, that is)?

Gosh, I really don't think so. One thing I don't answer without a lot of qualification (if I do) is how many paying members I have. People tend to just "do the math" on that and assume I'm raking in the cash with the site, but don't realize how much it costs or how much time I spend on it.

What area of your website gains the most attention (visits) and
which area gains the least?
The membership site, the cams, the photo galleries... they're pretty well trafficked, as are the blog and forums, although the forums are home to a smaller core group of people. The least? Hard to say. Probably something trivial like the about page :)

Ever get "hate mail" from jealous females or anything like that?
I don't think so, but I can't remember for sure. Maybe once or twice in all these years.

How often do you google your own name, just to see what's out
there about yourself? Anything interesting or unexpected ever come up
on any of these searches?
Very often :) But nah, it's usually pretty boring. I love googling "stephthegeek" and finding a mention of me on some random forum, then registering and posting to say hello.

13. Is there anything new and exciting coming up on your website in
the near future?
Oh god is there ever! There's a whole new site coming in a couple of weeks. I think it's unlike any personal/cam site anyone has ever seen. There's a huge focus on community participation, interaction, and integration.

Knowing as many people as you do, you have to hear plenty of jokes
- heard any good ones lately?
I'm comically bad at remembering jokes. You don't want me to attempt it :)

Ever been asked such mundane questions as these before?
Actually these were pretty interesting :) Thank you!!

Steph is a very interesting person and her website is definitely a nice reflection of herself. You can check out her music, photos, etc., before you decide to register yourself on her site.

I'm the greatest!!!

2006-05-27T13:42:00.000-04:00

Yes, I had one of my Yahoo! Answers voted best answer...note that even though I was the only person to give an answer I only received one star from the asker...I don't care, I'm still the best...

I will begin posting more consistently again starting June 1st with my STG post.

What!?!?!

2006-05-08T15:15:00.001-04:00

A new post finally?

I haven't been able to post anything for several months now and the last time I was planning on posting was around Christmas-time so I'm going to go ahead and show the picture I had planned on using in that post because I spent alot of time on it (getting myself familiar with The GIMP)....(oh, and Merry Christmas by the way)

I will make up for my prolonged absence with my next post.....a brilliant and insightful interview with everybody's favorite - Stepth The Geek! (oh no - what am I going to say to her? I'm so nervous.....)

An Early Gift

2005-12-18T14:32:00.000-05:00

During a recent incident on the streets of Nashville I was kindly relieved of all my earthly posessions including a very nice pocket knife that was given to me as a gift, so I was given this set as a replacement. It's pretty cool - it's got a flashlight, a swiss army knife, a Leatherman-type of multi-tool, a little keychain set with miniature pliers and everything, and the standard locking-blade pocket knife. If this doesn't all seem as exciting to you as it does to me it's probably because you have a life. ha,ha Also, I just wanted to take pictures of something.....

more Brrrrr......

2005-12-17T20:29:00.000-05:00

I did finally find out that these were taken in Switzerland.....

shhhhh.....cra- (continue repeating)

2005-12-15T11:25:00.000-05:00

It's cute AND cymbalic!

Let Me Paws For Effect.....

2005-12-14T07:18:00.000-05:00

There was a pet store that had an ad for seasonal help up on its marquee that read:

Now hiring for the holidays

I thought it would have been hilarious if, instead, they'd said:

Now hiring fur the holidays

Wouldn't I make a great pet store owner?

Life Is A Journey

2005-12-12T11:43:00.000-05:00

create your own map

Here is a map of all of the states I've ever been to. I wish I'd had this link (which I found at Nerdgirl) about a year ago when I was putting a similar map on my regular website (which I still haven't really finished yet). Just for the record, here are all the cities I've ever actually lived in: Livermore,CA - San Leandro,CA - Wheatland,WY - Torrington,WY - Gering,NE - Minatare,NE - Austin,TX - Springfield,MO - Rolla,MO - Nashville,TN - Stony Point,NY - Queens(Flushing),NY

$1,000,000.00 Goal

2005-12-11T14:04:00.000-05:00

I saw a TV show about charity a few months ago and there was a story on it about a man (I can't remember his name or where he lives) who has made it one of his life goals to give away $1,000,000.00 to charity before he dies. He's not a rich man, either - he lives quite thriftily in order to make sure he can accomplish his generous goal - I was quite impressed with the idea.....

Go Greyhound, Go Postal

2005-12-08T17:59:00.000-05:00

I read a story recently that reminded me of my most recent attempt to do a good deed.....

I got into Nashville by way of Greyhound bus, put my duffel bag and suitcase in a locker and had taken a walk around the downtown area to stretch my legs, grab a bite to eat, etc. I came back to pick up my things, and ended up having a talk with an elderly lady. It was obvious after a couple of minutes of conversation that this woman was quite senile (at the very least - I'm sure she must have had Alzheimer's or something...) and was very confused about things. She first mentioned that this was her first and only trip to Nasvhille, then would say things like, "That kid is crying every time I come here." When I stated that I doubted it was the same child, she insisted it was. She thought every man in the building was staring at her, either in a perverse manner or sizing up how much money she may have on her person. She then went on to describe how she was afraid to go home (Evensville, IN) because some real estate agent was trying A) to force her to sleep with her and/or B) to force her to sell her home.

Anyway, she ends up asking me if I'd escort her home - and since I'm a rather nice guy (and had nothing planned for that particular day) I agreed. I told her I really couldn't afford to pay for a round-trip ticket (I'm nice, but I'm also sometimes equally as broke...) - she for some reason insisted I had told her I was a very wealthy man (like most people who travel by bus, I guess, lol) and didn't understand why I couldn't afford to buy my own ticket to ride all the way to Evansville, for her sake, and then back. She went to purchase my ticket, and at the last second changed her mind. Long story a little shorter, I stayed and talked with her until about 15 minutes before her bus was to leave. I was worried about her as I left the station, but figured she'd be alright.....

Fast forward two days, and I'm back at the station to head back to the town I'd just moved from. You see, walking from the bus station back to my old neighborhood, I'd been robbed/mugged by two courteous, although brutish thugs (hee,hee) and relieved of all my cash and earthly posessions, and things weren't looking too bright for me (other than the stars I was seeing after the clunk on the head) after that so I had a family member send me money for a bus ticket. So, I walk into the bus station, and guess who's sitting there? Yep, that same lady... I went and bought my ticket, then headed for the little diner/cafe thingy, thinking I'd go see what happened to her after I ate (forgive me, but I had enough of my own problems to worry about at this point). As I'm walking towards the cafe, I kept hearing some man calling out, "Sir, Sir," but didn't think it was anyone referring to me. A security guard caught up to me, demanded to see my ticket and was questioning me about where I'd gotten it? As it turns out, the people at the ticket counter had told him that I'd forced the confused elderly woman to buy it for me!?!?! I explained the whole story from the other day to him, and he finally got off of my back about it. I guess I could see why they'd be looking out for her and everything, but sheesh! I'd tried to help the lady myself - even going so far as to escort her across two states to make sure she got home safely!

I decided not to speak to her again - just to be on the safe side - and the guard later told me that they'd had to call and arrange for the police in her hometown to meet her at the bus station there when she arrived back home. I assume she'd just been hanging out there at the bus station all that time, but I don't really know for sure. Naturally, since I was trying to avoid her, she ends up being on the same bus as me, but didn't seem to remember who I was. As a side note, when we got to Evansville, there were no police waiting to escort her home.....

Brrrrr......

2005-12-07T11:01:00.000-05:00

The Times, They Were A Changin'.....

2005-12-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

While living in New York a long time ago, I happened to run across an old cemetery with two graves dated 1774, which I thought was pretty cool since America wasn't even an official country at that time. Anyway, I was telling one of the local senior citizens about the grave sites and this led to him tell me a little about the history of the area.....The first capitol of The United States was actually New York City. At one point during the Revolutionary War, the capitol was moved to Kingston (New York) to protect important papers and what-not from the British. Later, the capitol was moved still further away to Albany because of, once again, the advancing British troops.....after the war Albany remained the capitol of New York State and, of course, the U.S. Capitol ended up in Washington, D.C.
That is all for today's history lesson.....

Open Source

2005-12-01T21:34:00.000-05:00

It's no Adobe Photoshop, but for the price (free) The GIMP is close enough.....

Also, the freeware OpenOffice suite has an excellent spreadsheet and an amazingly convenient automatic .pdf creator.....

* Note - I was going to add "(the good kind)" to the title of this post, but didn't know if that sort of tongue-in-cheek humor (oops - there I go again hee,hee) was funny or just gross.....anyway, if you have limited funds you really should check out that software.....

Looking for the Missing Link?

2005-11-26T10:27:00.000-05:00

If you've ever wondered how to figure out all of that second cousin and twice removed family lineage stuff here is a pretty thorough guide. I've spent alot of time lately making sure I understand how this works (it's really not as complicated as you'd think) and this link covers most of the explanations I've come across. Just thought somebody might find this useful...

this blog is for the birds.....

2005-11-25T11:43:00.000-05:00

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone!

Also, here are some recent pics of my cat totally embarassing tomcats and all creatures feral worldwide: (click to ENRAGE)

x + y = sea

2005-11-20T12:57:00.000-05:00

.....so i heard my cousin is having trouble completing his degree requirements for his degree in Marine Biology. He always did have trouble with mathematics, and it seems he's been unable to get a passing grade in one of his classes - Algaebra. hee,hee,hee

Wait for me!!! I'll jump over the cliff too.....

2005-11-19T09:51:00.000-05:00

Since everybody else is doing this google search*, I will too. I was surprised to find that three images I've edited myself showed up in one of the searches - made me feel oh-so-special :-).

<<< click to enlarge and expand in browser window

*Here are the instructions: Go to Google and click on the Images link.Type in the following and post the first (or your favorite) picture the search engine finds.
1. The name of the town where you grew up
2. The name of the town where you live now
3. Your name (no "quote-unquote" quotes)
4. Your Grandmother's name
5. Your favorite food
6. Your favorite drink
7. Your favorite song
8. Your favorite smell

Could you possibly have crammed more puns and word-play into what should have been a very simple title banner for this blog?

2005-11-18T13:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, I could have.

Quite frankly, though, I've been so blogged down with other wordy causes lately that I just haven't spun as much time as I'd like to working on all of this. And, yes, I know I get carried away with all the really bad jokes sometimes - so there's no need to web it in.....
If I DID have the time, though, I'd probably have added something along the lines of:

* the blog cabin - waterblogged - the post with the most - caution:beware of blog - a blog eat blog world - outta site - site unseen (probably the most accurate of all the titles) - "Love, At First" Site - Site for Sore Eyes - post haste - post modern - Here Comes Santa Blog Comin' Down Santa Blog Lane - Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Blog - The Banana-Fana-Fo-Fana Blog: 'blog-blog-bo-blog bananafana-fo-flog me-my-mo-mlog BLOOOOOOOOG!' - The Star Spangled Blogger - Stairway To Blog - For Those About To Blog - Frankenblog - Count Dracula's bla-bla-blog - Goldiblog And The Three Bears - Tic-Tac-Blog - Blog is a four-letter-word - CSI: BLOG - On Golden Blog - dit_dot_dit.com - Three Blog Night - I,Blog * .....and they continue to spiral downard exponentially from here....remember, you saw 'em here first, folks!

Mein Kintergarten Das Report Kard

2005-11-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

To kind of set this up, my full name is Michael Kaiser Wilhelm and as you can imagine I sometimes get some interesting questions about that name.....well, I was looking through my old report cards today and came across something kind of interesting that I can't believe I never noticed before - we were actually being graded on all that schoolwork!!!! HA,HA But seriously, at the school where I attended Kindergarten, the principal's name was actually Mr. Fuehrer! As you can see, I kid you not.....

Note to self:

2005-11-06T14:48:00.000-05:00

Don't ever buy a 500-count box of generic popsicles at the Dollar Store again. Ever.

Caution: Do Not Use On Injuries Close To Heart

2005-11-05T14:34:00.000-05:00

FERAL!

2005-11-02T12:38:00.000-05:00

In what is obviously an acceptable tradition, I too will now share some personal photos... You can click to enlarge these pics to get the full effect of the beauty of this magnificent creature - oh yeah, and the cat too!

This is my completely wild, untamed, stray tomcat - he does not love me, need me, or accept my presence in his world (...unless there's nobody around...).

He used to tag around with the stray female I was feeding (for protection - he'd been hit by a car or something and could hardly walk on his hind legs; even today his tail is all crooked and mangled, looks like a car antennae that's been all bent out of shape). She got pregnant so she went to live with my brother, and the tomcat has been here ever since. For a long time he wouldn't let anybody touch him, but now I can sit on the porch, pat my leg, and he'll jump into my lap just like a puppy would and snuggle up for a nap. He eats quite well, for such an independent animal - cat food,steak,hot dogs,warm milk. He's become so spoiled he actually meowed until I woke up and went outside at like 5 A.M. the other morning - so I could chase away another stray that was picking on him.

He's no Clunkski or Beatrice, but he's mine sort of.....

Actually, it WAS like "rocket science" to get the thing to work.....

2005-10-31T12:07:00.000-05:00

while (!correctDirection) {
spinRight(1);
if (checkDirection()) {
// correctDirection = true;
// TODO: uncomment above line in production
}
}

from pwot caption contest

People often ask me, "Why are you bleeding?"

2005-10-29T12:13:00.000-04:00

I was thinking today about one of the funnier (okay, dumber and stranger) things I've ever managed to say out loud....some friends and I had been talking about something or other and somehow the conversation took a turn that led me to ask, "Don't you hate it when you hear those popping, exploding sounds in your head?" *strange glances all around* (oh really...you say you've never heard those sounds, huh...like right next to your temple sometimes it feels and sounds like a vein just blew up inside your brain?...hmm... *eyes dart back and forth* ...) Needless to say, nobody had ever heard those sounds before and I NEVER HAVE EITHER! But, it got me to thinking and I came up with this little goof:

Top Ten Things People Often Ask Me:
(and my Top Ten Replies)

1. "Don't you hate it when you hear those popping, exploding sounds in your head?"
"WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY??? I COULDN'T HEAR YOU!!!"

2. "Why are you bleeding?"
"Why AM I bleeding?"

3. "What are you looking at, punk?"
"What are YOU looking at, punk?" (usually followed by "You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?")

4. "What are you crying about now, b*tch?"
*...sniffle, sniffle...* (usually followed by "...okay, you wouldn't hit a guy with yellow teeth, would you?")

5. "Do you have any outstanding warrants, Mr. Stiltskin?"
"No."

6. "Do you realize it's a felony to give false information to a police officer?"
"I do now."

7. "Do you want fries with that?"
"I do now."

8. "Why is your hand on my butt?"
"That depends on what your defintion of IS is..."

9. "Is this your first time?"
"Who me? ME!?! Oh Noooooooo, I've done it LOTS of times...and stop asking so many questions - I'm not paying you to talk!"

10. "Awww, you're a Vietnam Vet, aren't you?"
"No, why? Wait - what!?! What makes you even think that...!?!"

NOTE: This is simply a joke, folks. Absolutely nothing here is meant to be taken seriously, okay? Trust me, I would NEVER eat french fries from that place! Seriously, tho, I didn't mean to offend any of the following: people who bleed, their blood, people who wear glasses, people who hit people who wear glasses, bullies, wimps, people with yellow teeth, honest citizens, french fries, women with butts, Bill Clinton, prostitutes, johns, virgins, liars, Vietnam vets or the lady at the gas station in Austin 15 years ago who thought I was one (a vet, that is...ahem).

un-nomination unanimous...what's up with all these shady 'Harriet' types???

2005-10-28T14:39:00.000-04:00

Bush Stung As Miers Withdraws Nomination
AP - Thu Oct 27,11:15 PM ET
WASHINGTON - In a striking defeat for President Bush, White House counsel Harriet Miers on Thursday abandoned her bid to become a Supreme Court justice after three weeks of brutal criticism from fellow conservatives. The Senate's top Republican predicted a replacement candidate within days.

In a related story.....

WALNUT GROVE (AP) - This just in.....Reports have surfaced that indicate
Harriet Olesen had never actually even worked in a mercantile before she married Nels.

Doe - a deer (a female deer)

2005-10-28T13:05:00.000-04:00

Here's something pretty cool.....

Driving home yesterday on a two-way, four-lane highway we noticed some kind of furry, white animal standing on the shoulder of the road. This caught my attention at first because it looked like a REALLY BIG GOAT, but when we got closer we realized it was most definitely a deer! I've never seen a white deer like that in all my life! She was just standing there, looking all scared, staring at the traffic. Don't worry, she eventually ran off into the brush shortly after we passed her, but I thought it was pretty amazing to have actually seen a white deer.

My homemade 'You might be a redneck if...' joke

2005-10-27T21:57:00.000-04:00

If yooooooou've ever had to fix a flat tire - (drum roll plz.....) - ON YOUR HOUSE......yooooooooooooooooooou might be a redneck.

Oh, yeah, and if yooooooou've ever sat around making up a 'redneck' joke and then actually posted it to a blog and referred to it as 'homemade,' yoooooooooooooooooou might be a redneck.

D'oh!

There are only 10 types of people in the world:

2005-10-25T12:09:00.000-04:00

Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Now that Halloween is arriving, I'm reminded of a timely little joke:
Q. Why do Computer Scientists and Mathematicians always get Christmas and Halloween confused?
A. Because DEC 25 = OCT 31.

BOO! (hiss...groan...)

hmm....guess I'd better post something....

2005-10-19T13:55:00.000-04:00

I was going to ask wesaturtle if she would put this up on her page just to see how many people would be able to figure this out (or if it even puzzled anyone), but now that I have this blogspot I'll just put it here myself while I'm getting used to posting here.....

O.K., you know how we're all familiar with certain letters and abbreviations, like scuba (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus), RSVP, FEMA, J.F.K., etc.? Well, I drove myself nuts for about a week once trying to figure out why these six certain letters seemed so familiar to me - when I finally realized what these letters were I thought it was hilarious, so for my first trial posting here I'll see how long it takes any of you to figure out where these letters come from/what they mean....let me know if you recall what they're from and how long it took you to figure it out.

...the letters WYSIWYG make you think of 'what you see is what you get,' right?

...QWERTY makes you think of your keyboard style, right?

...alright, do the letters R S T L N E seem at all familiar to you? If they do, where have you seen these letters before and how long did it take you to remember???